10 Ways to Learn to Trust People
Every relationship, romantic or not, depends on trust to survive. However, romantic relationships seem to have a bigger need for trust than other relationships.
You MUST trust your partner, or the relationship will break down; there are no two ways about it. But what if repeated betrayals and hurtful actions of former partners have destroyed your ability to trust again?
Trusting again after your ex(es) took advantage of trusting nature and left you broken is incredibly difficult. Even so, totting your trust issues around will rob you of meaningful relationships and increase your misery?
What if we said you could move on from the past wounds and reduce your mistrust? Continue reading for the best tips on how to trust again in people and yourself.
Focus On The Present
Trust issues develop over time as a result of the negative actions of others towards us. An ex could have cheated multiple times. Your former husband could have had a family you never knew.
Such events will erode your ability to trust anyone else. You might even be wary of getting into another relationship and get your trust broken again.
Here’s our advice: leave the past and focus on the present. Whatever happened in the past, let it stay there. Please don’t allow your past experiences to breed mistrust of people, as it’ll leave you miserable.
Stop Playing the Victim
We tend to feel some responsibility for how people trust us, including when they break our trust. However, this belief is all shades of wrong.
It would not be your fault if an ex-partner betrayed you at some point. Also, it would help if you stopped feeling like a victim. Playing the victim gives your unimaginable ex power over your life and reduces self-esteem and self-worth.
Dust yourself and affirm that, “I’m not a victim.” You deserve someone who’ll respect your trust, and you’ll get that person. Believe it.
Experts advise forgiving whoever hurt as part of the process of learning how to trust again. Sure, it’s challenging — but it’s necessary, or else you’ll never move on, and the episode will affect new relationships.
It would help if you also forgive yourself.
Trusting someone is brave and commendable, so stop heaping blame on yourself. Rather, you should take solace in the fact that you tried your best to make the relationship work.
Invest in Relationship Therapy
An affair can destroy the trust in a marriage and make it hard for one partner to trust the other. In such a scenario, relationship therapy is what you need.
An expert will mediate between you and your partner and help rebuild trust in the relationship. Couples’ therapy also beats yelling at each other, hoping it’ll change anything — which it won’t.
Stop Having Negative Thoughts
The Law of Attraction suggests that the thoughts we have an influence what happens to us. If you think a new partner will break your trust, it’ll become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When you start expecting betrayal, even the slightest sign will confirm your suspicions. But it’s all an illusion fed by worst fears.
Don’t allow the actions of a former mate to color your view of the world. Believe that people will respect trust reposed in them, and it will happen.
Remain Committed to the Trust-Building Process
If you have agreed to rebuild the trust in a relationship, then commit wholeheartedly to it. You must avoid bringing up the issue and, instead, fix issues that induced mistrust.
Trust Your Guts
Moving forward, trust your intuition to avoid getting into relationships with untrustworthy individuals. Observe them (but don’t put their acts under a microscope) and notice any red flags.
Does he speak ill of others in their absence? Does she always spill secrets? Does he trust people badly? If your guts say, “that’s a red flag,” then accept it and act accordingly.
Don’t Be Afraid of Vulnerability
You might have built walls around your heart to shield against hurt and betrayal. But this only reduces your chances of falling in love and having a satisfying relationship.
Be open with your partner and explain how past relationships have affected your trust levels. Knowing this, he/she will support your effort to start trusting again.
Consider Alternative Situations
If you refuse to trust people, love will be far away from your life. To find love, you must lower your emotional walls and learn to trust people.
Imagine yourself going years without having companionship. How would it feel? If the idea of staying alone for years doesn’t enamor you, then take the risk and start trusting again.
Give yourself time to heal
If your last ex betrayed you, jumping into another relationship with them makes little sense. The chances are you have unresolved trust issues and will project them on the new relationship.
Give yourself time to heal. When you feel ready, take the plunge and start your journey towards trusting people again.